Log in

No account? Create an account
(no subject)  
11:33am Sunday,9/28/2008
I've been thinking here latly. It was probably triggered by hearing about Raye getting in an acident. I started comparing my realtionship with her with the one I have with Penny. When I was with Raye I not only could tell her anything, I felt compelled to tell her everything, yet with Penny I find it hard to be open with her, proobably because how little she is open with me. I have to admit I have less fun with Penny, esspally latly, then I did with Raye, even towards the end. I finnally had to ask Penny what she wants from me, and it was only then that she did tell me that she wanted to be just freinds, claiming that she never really was alone after brandn. I honestly don't know where to go to from here, but I do know that I really do need to feel loved.
On a differnt note, tomorrow I'm having an interveiw for a mechanic job at work, a job that I've been told that I pretty much I already got, so yeah that's a good thing.
You Are From Neptune

You are dreamy and mystical, with a natural psychic ability.
You love music, poetry, dance, and (most of all) the open sea.
Your soul is filled with possibilities, and your heart overflows with compassion.
You can be in a room full of friendly people and feel all alone.
If you don't get carried away with one idea, your spiritual nature will see you through anything.
mood: depresseddepressed
    Read 1 - Post - - Link
it worries me  
01:37am Tuesday,9/2/2008
So yeah a few things happened tonight that hadn't quite some time. The first was Penny coming here, and things went well I thought. The second and more importantly is that we actually talked with each other. We even got into a bit of a fight. Honestly I worry that Penny is so lost that she doesn't see any way out besides taking her own life. Also sometimes I think that she has too negative opinion of sex, although I guess I can of see where she comes from, she hasn't been treated right by many guys in her life. I wish she'd just tell me more often what she wants and what she is really thinking about. I'm not sure where we are going, or if we'll even be together for that much longer.
On the up side I watched "license to wed" for the first time after she went to bed, and it was good and true enough I do think of Penny at the end of each day.

You Are Strawberry Cake

Fresh, sassy, and romantic.
You're a total flirt, who never would turn down a sugary treat.
Occasionally you're a bit moody - but you usually stay sweet!
mood: worriedworried
    Post - - Link
plans falling through  
07:23pm Saturday,7/26/2008
the last few times me and Penny planed on getting together, something has come up on her end, mostly something her parents come up with; and I lose. It just makes me feel so small and unimportant to her. Today we had plans to go see Hellboy 2, like we were going to a week ago Thursday. Turns out that her parents needed her at home to work on something that really could've bloody waited. Sometimes I really wonder if she does care about me. I just don't understand why she lets her family have so much control over her, she needs time away from them, and people making demands on her and it seams the only way I can give that to her is to order her myself. I'm just tired of ending up on the short side of the stick, I don't have any idea what to do about it though

What's Your Fantasy Love Personality? - Romantic Anime & A Different Song In Each Outcome

You are a true romantic at heart. You dream of the perfect romance, the perfect fairytale love. You are sensitive, sentimental, and in touch with your feelings and those of others. Emotions play a big part in any relationship that you have. Gemstone: SapphireRose: Lavender (Sweetness, Dreams, Enchantment, Love at First Sight)

Take this quiz!

Quizilla |

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

mood: depresseddepressed
    Post - - Link
01:43pm Monday,5/12/2008
it's in those times when walls start to come down, that I have the most dificulty holding on to things, regardless that I know they'll hurt.
Let me rewind a bunch
Back Easter weekend, I had made plans and was looking forward to spending time with Penny, like really signifagant time with her, and I thought things had all been aranged. It ended up being only a couple of hours, durring which she refused to show any affection to me at all. That hurt, more than just about anything she could've done. She blamed at first her brother's girlfreind (who was with us annoyingly), and I pretty much told her that it wasn't a good thing that she did. Then Thrusday, I talked to Dawn again, she gave me a ride into work, and we kissed. That Sunday, I spent some time at her place, ending the night with more kissing, and poisably only because she had to work early in the morning, did it end with just kissing.
Since then, I've talked with Dawn rather rarly, leaving me with the feeling that I was just a rebound kisser for her (she also had a rough easter weekend). It was this Saterday, just passed that I was next with Penny. Things went well, I found out that her family doesn't want her to be around me (they think I'm abusive), as well as her brother was reporting back. They went well until I started to tell her about Dawn. She stopped lesting and became hurt, and while I tried to comfort her but she just left. I spent most of yesterday mooping around, and now I have to go into work.
mood: depresseddepressed
    Post - - Link
it's been nearly 3 months  
04:48pm Saturday,1/5/2008
I was just thinking on when the last time I was with Penny, and I think it was some time in October, quite nearly three months. Regardless of how rocky our realtionship has been latly, I still miss her, and want to be with her. I still don't think she knows what she wants, but I'm fairly sure that I want her. *sigh* I wish I had a car. I'm on my second night of my first ten night week of the year, I recently switched to working weekend nights. Nothing much else going on in my life.
The Movie Of Your Life Is A Cult Classic

Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy - your life appeals to a select few.
But if someone's obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky.

Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowski
mood: nostalgicnostalgic
    Post - - Link
this might get deep  
03:10am Monday,11/26/2007
I've had a fairly horrid weekend, I wish I could've done something else. I don't know, let me back track awhile. This is going to be mostly about Penny, not Moon or work. I asked her to marry me at the beginning of September, she said yes at the time but by the middle of october she broke it off. Yet we still kept talking with each other, and there's still alot of emotion between us. two weeks ago I visited her and stayed at her house. Things seamed mostly alright, just slightly off kilter. She wanted me to want her, yet just wanted to be held. She said she wanted me there with her (and her family) for thanksgiving, even to the point to where she was thinking of getting me the day before, but she never did come. Add to that, during this weekend, she's once again not saying much of anything to me at all, single word answers and not asking me much are pretty much the limit of what she's talked with me since thanksgiving.
I've started to think that maybe I should think about going "back on the market". Now this might seam like a jump from what I saying in the last paragraph, but bear with me. When Penny broke off the engagement, she told me a couple of things. First off, that I'm not Brandon (her first and only other serious ex), that because of that she can't give me her heart; and that I do annoy her at times, especially in person. I wanted to try to push through, to try to make her at least give me anouther chance, but I've thought more about it this weekend, in the back of my mind for most of it, but it's come more out in the open today, especially tonight. I'm begaing to think that not only will I never fully be what she wants, I have much doubt that she'll really be what I want in a person. Now when I say that, I mean while I've been dating her, my mind has wondered more often to other women, and I'm beginning to think the things that bug me about her will never change, possibly because she doesn't want to change them, or even know what or how to change them.
Much as this hurts, I think it's time to just move on, or at least that's what I'm beginning to think.
So, in my passing, and to kinda see what's out there, I've checked some on what's out there. I don't know, it's probably too soon for me to really do that, to really admit that it's over for me and Penny, even though that I've already done mostly just that. It still hurts, and I'm still lonely.

You are Vincent

You scored 13 good or evil, -4 spirituality, 13 power, and 17 intelligence!

Vincent Valentine, the lone ranger of Final Fantasy 7. Toting a handgun and a heaping helping of inner turmoil, Vincent wasn't a key character in the tale, but he made a great addition if you got him on your team. He was once a Turk - much like Tseng - but later realized he wasn't in the profession he felt right in doing. He paid dearly for his dissent, but came out of it with a bit more wisdom and a lot more power. He may have changed sides once before, but he's found his center now, and he's not about to let his demons drag him back from whence he came.

Perhaps you were once on the other side of things, but through experience and a few hard knocks, you've changed your ways - or kept yourself away from the bad side. You've gained a level of wisdom that might make you seem enigmatic, and a physical presence that may inspire fear, but you're good at heart even if you feel like life is one big gray area. You're good to have in a fight, and even better to have in a debate.

Similar characters include Delita(fft), Shadow(ff6), Amarant(ff9) and Squall(ff8)

Your polar opposite is Izlude. You can probably get along with Bahamut, and you could tolerate Sephiroth or Seymour.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 99% on purity
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 99% on faith
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 99% on strength
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 99% on intelligence

Link: The Who are you in the FF Universe Test written by Helbereth on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test
mood: depresseddepressed
    Post - - Link
a Moon rant  
05:21pm Thursday,10/18/2007
about a week ago, jen contacted me, telling me that they moved to ohio back in april. Mind you that explains why she hasn't asked me for money since like march or so, but still it pisses me off that she didn't tell me shit about planning to move and was trying to tell me (and was telling welfare) that her and rob had spilt. I got told that she would tell me the next time they were in ny and I might get to spend some time with Moon, and that's about as good as anything she's tried to tell me, and I'm not sure how much to belive of it. Add to that social sevices is pushing me to get insurance through work for Moon, nothing that I can really aford. and it's not going to do her very much good, espally if, as I supect, jen hasn't told ny state soicial severices that they moved out of state. I'm faced with the prospect of not seeing Moon much at all again, and that hurts and getting ass rimmed for her to boot. I mean it wouldn't be so bad if I could just get her insured but to get her insured I need to get "family" insurance, meaning I'd get insurance that I'm fairly sure I'm not going use, and doubt I need. I know it'll cost more the 40 a week, and really I think that's close to insane. Moon might be slightly better off in ohio, even though I do miss spending time with her, and I still don't know how to tell my mom that she moved. I feel like a really bad father at times. I don't plan on moving to ohio, and I still might try to get some level of physical custidy of her. I just don't know how much

on a side note:
What mental disorder do you have?
Your Result: Manic Depressive

You have extreme cycles of highs and lows. Sometimes you feel like you don't know who you are. One week you could be very hyper and happy and the next week you are slow and depressed.

GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)
What mental disorder do you have?
mood: grumpygrumpy
    Post - - Link
03:38pm Saturday,2/24/2007
Post a comment and I'll...
1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with a song/movie.
3. Tell a random fact about you.
4. Tell a first memory about you.
5. Associate you with an animal/fruit.
6. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
7. In return, you must spread this meme this in your own LJ.
mood: groggygroggy
    Read 2 - Post - - Link
running to the alter  
10:59pm Sunday,1/14/2007
I think I might've made a mistake. Yesterday, I spent some serious time with my girlfreind and her family. For a change we spent time together at her house. On the plus note that ment we didn't need to say an early goodnight to each other, but it also ment that we were more or less supervised, at least more then we would've been here. I think it made me more realize that things really were seriuos with the two of us. I guess it got me sort of scared, and feeling like things are moving too fast. To make me more feel confussed, I told her that, more or less, anyway, and she has basicaly stopped talking to me now. Now don't get me wrong, I do love her, more then I loved Raye I do belive, just it feels like things are going too fast for me. I just don't know for sure what's up. I guess I just need time to think some things through.

You scored as Anarchism. <'Imunimaginative's Deviantart Page'>


















What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In?
created with QuizFarm.com
mood: confusedconfused
    Post - - Link
Penny for my thoughts  
06:42pm Monday,1/8/2007
I know it's been quite awhile since I posted, well, I'm still alive, in case anyone was wondering. I've been datting a girl. Things are mostly going great, just a couple things worry me about her. Her family is fairly rellgeious, and close, they gave bibles out for presnts for her bother's kids. Yes, stuff like this, worring about what Moon would be raised to belive, if me and the girl I'm dating were to marry. Anouther thing is that she has told me that she wants to get married this year, and that I'm not really her first choice, her ex is, but I'm definatly next on the list I think. I know why she wants to get married this year (biological clock with a no sex before marrage rule), just really don't know if it's rushing things. But otherwise things are good with her, it feels sorta differnt and good in a way to be the one who knows more about realationships, just not sure if I'll lose her or not, guess that's what is holding me back a bit.
the Idiot Savant
(19% dark, 61% spontaneous, 47% vulgar)
your humor style:

You like things silly, immediate, and, above all, outrageous. Ixne on the subtle word play, more testicles on fire, please. People like you are the most likely to RECEIVE internet forwards--and also the most likely to save them in a special folder entitled 'HOLY SHIT'.

Because it's so easily appreciated, and often wacky and physical, your sense of humor never ceases to amuse your friends. Most realize that there's a sly intelligence and a knowing wink to your tastes. Your sense of humor could be called 'anti-pretentious'--but paradoxically enough, that indicates you're smarter than most.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Johnny Knoxville - Jimmy Kimmel

The 3-Variable Funny Test!

- it rules -

If you're interested, try my best friend's best test:
The Genghis Khan Genetic Fitness Masterpiece

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 0% on darkness
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 88% on spontaneity
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 71% on vulgarity
Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test
    Post - - Link

  Previous 10
September 2008  

  Powered by